Many times the five-, six- or seven-year-old wants to play a particular sport because of an adult’s influence (Mom, Dad, Coach, etc.). Since it was really someone else’s choice in the beginning, it is important that they learn something and have fun in the process.

Also, there will be varying levels of skill at the younger ages. Kids know who the best players are and can be discouraged  if compared to the better athlete. Consider that each one is a work of art. You have some ideas about what the final product will look like, and what is available is being open about how they progress.

Of course, the biggest influences on kids are the adults, i.e., coaches and parents. The most important relationship is usually thought to be the one our unknown athlete has with the coach. I agree that this can be true. However, there is another candidate—the parent-coach relationship.

The unknown athlete will want to please both. Coach and parent are both on a pedestal, so it is critical that as far as the athlete is concerned they are on the same page. This means that if the parent has a different point of view about something than the coach does, it gets worked out between the two adults. Both adults want the same thing, that Johnny and Susie have a great experience.

The problem arises when the parent and coach don’t agree on how to make that happen. Chances are there will never be complete agreement and that’s okay. There will be times when the parent is upset at the coach for something. Count on it. My solution for that is “work it out with the coach” or if unwilling to do that “keep it to yourself.” And, do not get caught up in “winning or losing.” On teams, no one person lost the game anyway.

Do not vent to the athlete about it. Don’t be a jerk on the sideline. Your athlete will know and be embarrassed. They need to have a coach, and they already have a parent. Don’t ask them to choose between the two. In many cases, parents are like the businessman who has eaten many meals in fine restaurants. He thinks he knows how to run a restaurant. Even if you played the game “back in the day” it doesn’t make you a coach. That job is filled.

Support the coach. Know what she is committed to. Support that. Love your little athlete. Be happy. It is their game. They just want to have fun and hang out with their “buds.”

More from Coach Todd in his books found on lulu.com. Have a wonderful holiday season!