Early on in life (4-10 years old), we are shocked by something that then has us decide something about ourselves. Usually, in some way we have a way to survive.

As we get older we develop a way to fix our consistent reaction to anything that doesn’t work. That becomes our strong suit, i.e. the best thing we do when faced with any threat. In fact, we are known for this. We could describe it in a few words.

When I look inward, there seems to be a single word that is the core of my strong suit. It is my first reaction when challenged by any situation. I’m not saying I only have one strength. This is just the one that rings my bell first. Any other strengths are probably kissing cousins.

The word for me is “accommodating.” As you look at yourself, your word could be something like “control” or “strategize” or “demand.” It is a description of what you do to have your life work, to fix what’s broken, to meet a challenge. In other words, survive.

The good news is that you have a strength. The bad news is that it is a reaction and, therefore, a limitation. For example, by accommodating I can usually get things to work. The limitation is that I often don’t take care of my own needs. Or, maybe I don’t ask enough of other people because it is “easier” to be accommodating.

Remember though, that there is not one way of being that covers everything. If you can clearly recognize your primary reaction, it allows you to look for what else might be more effective. The familiarity with that automatic reaction gives you an opportunity for choice.

I am sure the scientists, psychologists and students of human behavior would say that what I have said is an over-simplification. I like simple. Simple leads to action. What you can see what to act on, it keeps you engaged in your life. I’ll settle for that any day.

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