We are into the wonderful holiday season. But, is it really wonderful? Actually, I should have written this at Halloween if I paid attention to the retailers’ efforts.

The problem with the holidays is that there is something at work that may have us question whether it is a great time and worthy of a full-on celebration. Why? It is simply that most people are operating on top of a low-grade upset. What upset?

Let’s see if I can clarify for you. To do so, we must go back to childhood. Children are at their best when they are in their daily routine. Awake at the same time each day, breakfast (hopefully), bus to school, etc. The routine provides certainty, a most important feeling in our lives.

The holiday season is the antithesis of the children’s routine. There are days out of school, parties and other social events. We have visitors, or are going visiting. We are giving and getting gifts. Homes are wildly decorated … or not. You know the basic scenarios. Even if we don’t have any of this, our usual life is now upsetting.

How it shows up in our lives today is that there are upsets that never get completed. To complete is to fully acknowledge one’s experience of the holidays that was upsetting to the norm even if it was “really” good. When I was maybe eight years old “ Santa” brought my brother, Stan and I a Lionel train set. The problem with this great gift was that it was way more my Dad and Stan’s thing than mine. I requested separate gifts after that.

The point of this is that no matter what interrupts the child’s routine it is an upset. How does this show up in adults? Notice how people are easily irritated. Driving, shopping and overly judgmental in relationships. Behavior is just more reactive than usual.

So, what do we do? Be kinder to yourself and others. Take time to relax. Be generous in your judgments. Let people know what you are thankful for, what you appreciate about your life.

If you have kids, give them the opportunity to do the same. Acknowledge the “wonderfulness” of each gift received and your appreciation of the giver. Allow yourself to enjoy. Sing and dance a little.