You have heard people make this statement many times in referring to what is happening at home. They will say something like, “meanwhile, back at the ranch.” In other words this is what is happening in one’s life and often times when things are not working.

The Triple “J” Ranch is especially popular in the area of our relationships. Let’s look at the “J’s; Jealousy, Judgement and Justification. Or, as a formula, Jealousy + Judgement = Justification. If you stick to the generalities of the formula it can provide you with a more effective way to view the issues you might have with a particular person in your life.

JEALOUSY
We get caught in jealousy when we feel that there is not enough good stuff to go around. It feels like the other person is taking our share, so it feels personal. When we were small children the “good stuff” was attention. It might still be that. When we have people’s attention we feel safe. Also, the primary people we looked to were Mom and Dad. The larger than life views we had of them are the primary ways we see relationships in our lives. As children we are so self-absorbed that everything is about us. We are not bad people just ensuring our survival. And, remember that we think that the good stuff is in short supply.

JUDGEMENT
We judge each other and ourselves on everything. Appearance, age, gender, skin color, mannerisms, intelligence, education, talent, skill, etc. We make decisions on those judgements that interfere with creating relationships. We dislike people we have never met. My question is “Who made you the judge?” I thought judges were elected or appointed.

JUSTIFICATION
With a combination of Jealousy and Judgement we now can Justify our treatment of people, our lack of appreciation for what the people around us may be going through and the excuse for withdrawing our support. This includes family, friends people at work and, yes, the rest of the world. This is the justification I love the most; “I have my own problems.” You don’t live in a vacuum. Your problems include other people. That justification will keep us on the path to eventually destroy our world.

Take a look at Coach Todd’s books on lulu.com. They will support you intentions.