In the last few blogs I have posted the topic has been on what has relationships work. I proposed that the context for effective relationships is 100%-0%. If you missed that you can catch up by reading those blogs preceding this one.

When a relationship isnt working it is usually due to a faulty foundation from the beginning, and/or reactions to things that have happened along the way. There are a couple of simple things that need to be in place for the relationship to work.

First, are you clear I am talking about all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones? You have family, friends, work and, yes, even community. They all need the same foundation to give you the best chance to experience satisfaction.

When you havent laid the groundwork I am about to give you, your relationships can become either predicaments or entanglements. Romantic relationships are prime candidates, of course, to turn into entanglements. Any come to mind?

Look at the relationships that you have that are not working to your satisfaction and see how many fit one of those two categories. Be sure to include those relationships you have given up on.

There are two elements that need to be in place to have a true relationship. The first is respect. You need to find something you respect even with those difficult people. You can find something that you respect about anyone. You may just have to work a little harder to find it.

The second element is something the other person is committed to that you can commit to them accomplishing. They need to commit to something you are committed to and you are œgood to go.” They can be about totally different subjects.

True story. My wife was a skier. I never skied in my life. My winters were spent in the gym with a big round ball. I committed to her commitment to ski. That meant if she is going skiing on the weekend I am excited that she gets to do that. No pouting. I have even taken her and hung out by the fire in the lodge while she enjoyed the slopes. It isnt bad by the fireplace either.

I had a commitment to a œboys night out each month which she fully supported with no upset about it whatsoever. You may start with a single commitment and choose to add others as you see fit. Being true to your commitments allows you to stay on track.

If I let my commitments give me solid ground I can proceed in the direction we are going rather than reacting to the stuff that creates those entanglements and predicaments. My coaching would be this re: commitments”œmake ˜em (lots of them) and keep ’em.

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